Asking this added a few new ones to my list
You might have thought you had all the questions you needed to build better conversations, unlock curiosity, and be more coach-like.
Especially if you’ve read my book The Coaching Habit and learned my Seven Essential Questions.
But I’ve been holding out on you … there is, in fact, a fabled, elusive, magical Eighth Question.
Actually, there are two … let’s call them 8.1 and 8.2.
If you were at the kickoff for The Year of The Coaching Habit the other week, you’ll know I shared both of them.
(Weren’t there? Replay here. It’s pretty great. You’re welcome.)
Before I did my big 8th Question Reveal, I asked the hundreds of people with me what some of their favourite questions were to spur conversation and connection with others.
It was an amazing list. Here’s a taste:
What’s a common misconception about you? Something you want to be sure I get right. (Katie)
How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want? (Tamara P.)
Where are you already strong that you’re forgetting to bring to this? (Maeve B.)
How good can it get? (Holly B.)
What might you have contributed to that? (Alan)
That’s what I love about connecting with this community … I learn from you just as you (hopefully) learn from me.
So, here was my question 8.1:
What do you know to be true?
When we get caught up in a situation, when we’re discombobulated and feeling all the feelings, we’ve often lost our grip on what’s true.
What’s winding us up, often, is our interpretation of what’s happening, and then our interpretation of what that interpretation means (catastrophe!).
“What do you know to be true?” is an invitation to get your feet back on the earth, and tease apart the data (what’s true) from the maelstrom of feelings and judgments that might be swirling.
What people know to be true tends to be limited …
This was said. This was done. It was this time of the day. I was wearing this outfit.
“What do you know to be true?” de-escalates the drama and also puts you in touch with what you’re actually working with.
You may choose to do something differently with it, now that you see what’s there (and what’s not there) on the table in front of you.
(If you’re wondering about the 8.2 question that I shared? Ha! You’ll have to watch the replay for that. And if I can’t tempt you, then you’ll just have to take your best guess and hit reply to share with me what you think it is!)
