The book that sparked today’s newsletter.
My friend Eric has a new book out, How a Little Became a Lot. It emerged from his podcast, The One You Feed, which in turn had its origin in Eric’s story of overcoming heroin addiction and creating a life of meaning and service.
You likely know the fable the pod references …
A grandfather tells a boy that inside us all are two wolves battling. One wolf is good, joy, delight, and generosity. The other is evil, sorrow, misery, and greed.
Who wins the fight? The one you feed.
When we think of the two wolves, mostly we’re thinking about our own qualities.
Do we nurture what’s the best of us, or do we give our attention to our darker spirits? And beyond that, how do we acknowledge and hold both these elements?
I often return to Jung’s insight about the power of integration and embracing our shadow side:
“I’d rather be whole than good.”
What if we brought that same metaphor — two wolves, which one do you feed — to our relationship ecosystem?
Who, then, are the wolves in your life?
Not the saints and villains of the dinner-party story. The actual cast: the people who, when you spend an hour with them, leave you a little more yourself. And the ones who, when you spend an hour with them, leave you a little less.
You know who’s who. (We all do, if we’ll stop being polite about it for thirty seconds.)
But we rarely feed our wolves according to which ones nourish us. We feed them by accident or by habit. By proximity, obligation, the tyranny of the group chat.
The draining relationships often eat first and eat most because they’re loud, or old, or family.
The ones that fill us up get the leftovers. This might be a rushed text or a “we really should.”
And then one day you look up and find the wolves you’ve been starving are the ones that would have kept you alive.
So take a moment to notice where your attention is actually going. Your best energy, the first twenty minutes of your morning, your generous yes?
Who’s eating well from you, and does the feeding match the nourishing?
Pick one relationship this week that deserves a better meal. Pick another that’s been helping itself to the pantry for years.
Feed accordingly.
