Molly G in 2019, the catalyst for my first mastermind group.
Molly died recently, and I miss her and celebrate her.
One reason for my happiness and success (and probably in that order) is that I’m part of various groups designed for provocation and encouragement.
More than twenty years ago, I joined my first Mastermind group (“The Brain Trust”) with Molly, Mark, Jen, and Eric. That had a good fifteen-year run, with us talking every couple of weeks, and meeting once a year for a retreat.
It helped me shift (somewhat) from a commitment to Groucho Marx’s dictum that “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
There are other groups I’ve started that have withered, or that I’ve joined that haven’t been a great fit and I’ve unjoined. I think I’ve found one secret for success, and it’s the right blend of the familiar and the weird.
Nowadays, I’m part of:
A group of best-selling authors (meet once a year, sporadic WhatsApp check-ins the rest of the time).
A writing group (three of us, checking in on WhatsApp weekly, and with occasional calls).
A thinking group (five of us, sharing what’s grabbing our attention and what experiments we’re running, regular WhatsApp updates, and we’re trying to plan our first in-person get-together.
The Conspiracy, where I play the role of host, enthusiast, and teacher, and where we have 400 people figuring out and working on their Worthy Goals.
Effervescent (four of us, where we meet every two months and check in with a voice note every “Waffle Wednesday”).
Let me tell you about Effervescent, because that’s where I see the familiar/weird tension playing out in the most obvious way.
There’s SB. She’s pretty much “my sister from another mister.” We’re really similar in the way we think, the pace at which we move, and the way we are permanently overcommitted and slightly over-enthusiastic.
It turns out that we actually worked for the same innovation company way back when. SB is deeply familiar, a mirror for myself.
And then there’s UJ. He’s almost the opposite of me. He’s rational, methodic, deliberate. He makes a plan, and executes the plan. He’s an entrepreneur. He goes down deep holes. He’s an expert/geek about things, everything from crypto to spirituality.
When he shares a perspective, it’s almost guaranteed to be one that I haven’t thought of, and probably one that I don’t quite understand. UJ is deeply weird to me.
Back when I was building a company and hiring, the mantra was always “make sure there’s culture fit.” That’s not great advice.
If you hire someone who already fits the culture, then this force of growth and nourishment just stays the same.
I shifted to thinking I was trying to hire “for culture add.” Someone who helps us stretch and grow and become better.
It’s the same with the people who surround you.
You want familiar, of course you do. People with whom you can get right away. “Oh yeah, same.”
But you also want to find some of the weird. People who twist your world and intrigue you with other ways of being and doing in the world. “Oh wow, interesting.”
The old saw is that we are the sum of the five people we spend most time with. (Yeah, probably not actually true.) But it does make a difference who’s in the room with us.
Find people who are deeply familiar. Find people who are a little weird. It’s helpful to have both.
