I appear to have more books than I realized.
This month I’ve moved into a new office. It’s really the first time I’ve had my own beautiful space for working and creating since I started working for myself 30 years ago.
(I did once rent a room in a house to work from. That went about as well as most Airbnb “room rental only” experiences. Slightly grim, mostly dispiriting.)
I’ve now got a twenty-minute walk from home to this new space. I’m not sure what I’m calling it yet. Definitely not an office. A studio, or maybe an atelier.
There are ten other tenants, mostly creatives of one sort or another. A theatre company. A luthier. A weaver. A paper maker.
They’ve all been there for years, and I’m definitely feeling the “who’s the new kid?” vibes.
There’s a mix between welcoming and wary, with the proportions varying from person to person.
I’m deploying three strategies to help me more quickly become part of the fabric of the building.
Bird by Bird
Anne Lamott’s book of that title is about how to write (and live life). “Bird by bird” means simply one step at a time. And in my case, I’m not trying to make friends with everyone in the building, I’m trying to make friends with each one.
It’s a bit overwhelming to think I’ve suddenly got to ingratiate myself with ten or more new people. It’s less so when I think I’m just trying to meet one person, and then the next, and then the next.
When I’m giving a keynote speech, I’ll stand at the entrance and welcome people personally. It cheers them up — the keynoter is saying hello! — but it’s also a way of reminding myself that this crowd of a thousand is actually just a lot of lovely individuals.
Call my Friend Hotline
I’ve been part of a mastermind group with MT for the last year or so, and she was the one who gave me the lowdown that this space was becoming available.
(Lesson: Tell lots of people what you’re looking for. You never know where a scattered seed will take root.)
She’s already vouchsafed me to the community, which is a great start. I’m not likely to be rejected.
Now, I’ll ask her to introduce me, one by one, to the people who are here.
Bring cake
One of my best friends, Anton, had a brilliant strategy when he started work in a new place.
He brought cake.
Repeatedly.
He was a slightly prickly guy (one of the reasons I liked him tbh) and worse, a New Zealander. The cake definitely broke down barriers.
I’m not sure what the equivalent of cake is in 2026. It might well be … cake.
I’ll be bringing gifts/shamelessly bribing people to like me in my outreach efforts.
It’s hard to make friends as an adult. Here’s the formula:
[Invite people in] x [acts of generosity] x [on-going exposure] x [some inconvenience]
That last element is a bit of a twist, isn’t it? Inconvenience?
It’s definitely safer, easier, less effort, and more seductive to stay in your own keep.
But there’s more to life than that.
Remember: We is more interesting than Me.
