My definition of patience, cheeky smile included.
Last week, I hosted a session on something every person who coaches wrestles with — confidence and patience. If you missed it, the replay is here for you.
During the session, I asked a simple question:
What gets in the way of you being more confident and more patient, more often?
The chat lit up with smart, relatable answers:
Fears. Expectations. Judgement. The need to fix (that was a big one).
Underneath all those answers were three bigger drivers …
1. Urgency (“I have to do it!”)
It’s the jitteriness when we know something is coming, or late, or overdue.
We feel we have to move faster, and do more, and solve things now.
And when urgency kicks in, patience evaporates and confidence wobbles.
Because urgency rarely feels calm. It feels like pressure, even when we are the ones putting that pressure on ourselves.
2. Uncertainty (“I have to know it!”)
When you don’t know what’s going to happen, your brain does not relax.
If only we could all predict the future … you’d feel so much safer. But most of us can’t. So your vision narrows, and thinking becomes more black and white.
And this is when you get more reactive and less resourceful.
Uncertainty makes it harder to trust yourself and trust the moment.
And without that trust, confidence slips.
3. Emotion (“I have to express it!”)
When emotions are high — whether it’s yours, theirs, or everyone’s — everything is amplified.
Frustration or fear or anger or anxiety tempt us to react and rescue. Which makes patience very hard to find in that moment.
And this is a very human response … you can’t not feel the feelings. They just show up.
Here’s how I sum up these drivers:
Urgency attacks trust in the moment.
Uncertainty attacks trust in yourself and the future.
Emotion attacks trust in them.
So instead of trying to figure out why you’re not confident or patient …
Try asking yourself: Which of the three drivers is running me right now?
We name these drivers not to fix them or outrun them. Naming them widens the gap between stimulus and response. And often, that gap is where choice lives.
If urgency, uncertainty, and emotion are three drivers that knock you off balance … what would it take for you to stay calm, steady, and present — even during the messiest moments?
That’s exactly why we created Bring Out Their Best, my new coaching course.
Because knowing the three drivers is one thing. But knowing what to do when they show up is where the real change happens — for you and the people around you.
