That look on my face isn’t accidental.
When someone is speaking, I have one job to do. It isn’t to listen (though I do that too).
I look at the person and think to myself: my friend is amazing.
This is the third and last story from last month’s walk in Australia — the one with the bridge that was out and the yellow sign we all strolled past.
Jason Fox co-led the walk with me. He’s a writer, a philosopher, a wizard, and one of my dearest friends.
Years ago, my friend Mark Bowden taught me something about co-facilitating.
When you’re sharing the stage and you don’t have the microphone, he said, your job is to look at the person who does and to believe, with your whole body, that they are amazing.
So that’s what I did when Jason spoke.
It wasn’t hard to do because it’s true … I think Jason is amazing, and I love hearing him teach.
But I’ve heard him before; I’m not standing there agog, meeting every idea for the first time.
I’m doing it for the group.
Because they’re watching Jason, but they’re also watching me. And I want them to know, from the way I’m standing, that what he’s offering is worth being amazed by.
We assume our influence switches on when we have the microphone, and off when we don’t. Not my turn to talk, we think, so I’ll wait here quietly until it is.
But a room doesn’t work like that. You are always shaping it with your presence, your energy, the stance you take. The person watching is never neutral, so be the strongest signal in the room.
People respond to the strongest signal and reflect it back.
So even when it’s Jason talking, I can be the signal that tells everyone: pay attention, this is an extraordinary moment.
Which means the next time you’re not the one presenting (in a meeting, or any room where someone else has the floor), notice how you’re showing up.
Are you slumped and half-elsewhere, checked out until you’re needed?
Or are you looking at the person speaking as if to say you are amazing?
You’re more influential in that moment than you think. Even without the microphone, the way you show up changes the room.
